h1

Thai word.

June 15, 2013

So, my time in the Americas has gone and passed. A nice place, Medellin, but not one for forever. Not good for me spiritually, emotionally, creatively, or vocationally. A good fuck buddy, but a horrible girlfriend. After 6 flights and 2 days travelling I have arrived to Thailand. A plan instigated by a business proposal from a friend, but if that does not eventuate, then all I have are options. Four days until my final research proposal of my master’s course is due and then I am once again free to just live. I feel it inside me. That void filled with possibilities. A step down into darkness, but not blackness. What Nietzsche said works in reverse, if you fight with monsters, if you stare into the abyss, these things will become you, but if you stare into the light, it will fill you. I will see with what.

I am excited to wake up in the morning, eat my eggs and drink my coffee, practice what little yoga I know and learn some more, read the paper, practice my punches and kicks, read about science, about how to turn your different genes on and off with just practice practice practice, to meet new people, to talk to my old friends, to eat delicious food, to get high write jokes and laugh at them by myself, to sit and think, to listen to great new music and discover old ones I can’t believe I’ve never heard, to crack a fresh cold beer and drink it deep. As I sit in this hostel, I can feel the anxious energy of the future in my stomach and chest.

I know if I am being overly poetic and philosophical, but I don’t know if am giving advice to others or reconfirming somethings to myself, but at the end of a long journey, at the end of a mission, a task – at the end of your plans you are left with nothing. Nothing but your habitus, these everyday repetitions which makes up who you are. The things and thoughts you can have. These are what are what make me. Just like these words, they have meaning and they are nonsense. They have no meaning, but they mean everything. I could keep writing, but I’ve said too much and not enough at all, I’m describing the ocean one drop at a time…so I’ll just stop. Have a nice day and enjoy your little activities.

I’ll post something with brevity and clarity next time. And perhaps one of my stupid offensive jokes.

AJG

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